He Said, She Said….
Hold on folks, this one is going to be long. I have thought about posting on this subject for a long time, but just recently had the motivation.
The other week I had diner with a friend. We try and get together for dinner, coffee, whatever, at least once a year. Since we live in different cities and have completely different lives, even that can be a struggle. Some of our friends and family think it’s a little “strange” that we still talk and meet, like its somehow not right. Perhaps a little background. Yes, we dated. We were high school sweethearts. We had a great relationship and were very much in love. When it was time for University, we were going to different places, so we made the decision to “break up” before we left, so that we could both experience this new chapter freely. If it was meant to be, it would be.
So here we are 16 years later. We have both since married others, I have 2 kids, she expecting her first in a matter of weeks. But I still don’t get why some believe there is an “issue” with us keeping in touch. To me, the “ex” factor has long since vanished. She has had a couple of serious, long-term relationships since the “we”, and like I said, she’s married and pregnant.
I have had one serious, long-term relationship sine the “we”, and I married her and have two kids. I just don’t think the “ex” prefix applies anymore. It seems childish. More to the point, why should we not still talk? We had a great relationship that ended out of respect and love, not out of malice or mistrust. We went through many of those tough teen years together, and those times and shared experiences form much of the foundation of who I have become. In 16 years since we “broke up” (even that term seems odd to me now) we have had our fair share of trouble. With no real reason to stop dating, we had no closure, and it took us (at least, it took me) a long time to come to terms. We have had some arguments and rough spots, and went a few years with no contact.
When we did reconnect, things were different, but very much the same. Maybe we (me) were more mature, our lives had changed, whatever. The point was that “thing” that we had always shared, that got us together in the first place was still there. We still knew each other, we still liked each other, and it was strangely calming and reassuring to have someone I shared so much history with, that I trusted so implicitly, to occasionally talk to. We were very different people than in our youth, and our lives had very firmly moved on into different directions, but we still had the same deep and unspoken connection from when we were 16, and to me, it seems silly to ignore it.
So here we are today. We have families and careers and lives that don’t really intersect. We share the occasional email to check in, a phone call on a birthday or really special event, and at least once a year we see each other in person. We’re two very good friends that like to keep in touch. So what’s the big deal? Because we dated as teenagers, we should be ineligible to remain friends as adults? That doesn’t even make sense.
When I hear this sort of criticism, or the implication that it is improper for her and I to keep our friendship, it kinda grates on me a little. If meeting with my close friend on very rare occasions is cause for concern from anyone, they have much bigger issues of trust to deal with that have nothing to do with her or I. We have never hid our relationship from anyone (like our spouses), and in fact discuss our meetings with others. It just seems odd that anyone who knows either of us (or us together) could think there were anything “improper” going on.
Am I nuts here? Do people really think this is suspicious activity? I’ll be honest. I don’t care. I mean, its not going to influence me, and the people I care about are not concerned. But I am curious. Do people really think that it is not possible for members of the opposite sex to be friends? Does it make a difference if they have a history?
Okay… I warned you it was going to be long. I think that about sums it up, but I’ll be honest people, that was actually brief compared to what I originally wrote. I spared you… this time. Not to worry, the next one shouldn’t be so long, or heavy… at least, it shouldn’t.
You stay classy blogworld.
Until next time,
Dirk
The other week I had diner with a friend. We try and get together for dinner, coffee, whatever, at least once a year. Since we live in different cities and have completely different lives, even that can be a struggle. Some of our friends and family think it’s a little “strange” that we still talk and meet, like its somehow not right. Perhaps a little background. Yes, we dated. We were high school sweethearts. We had a great relationship and were very much in love. When it was time for University, we were going to different places, so we made the decision to “break up” before we left, so that we could both experience this new chapter freely. If it was meant to be, it would be.
So here we are 16 years later. We have both since married others, I have 2 kids, she expecting her first in a matter of weeks. But I still don’t get why some believe there is an “issue” with us keeping in touch. To me, the “ex” factor has long since vanished. She has had a couple of serious, long-term relationships since the “we”, and like I said, she’s married and pregnant.
I have had one serious, long-term relationship sine the “we”, and I married her and have two kids. I just don’t think the “ex” prefix applies anymore. It seems childish. More to the point, why should we not still talk? We had a great relationship that ended out of respect and love, not out of malice or mistrust. We went through many of those tough teen years together, and those times and shared experiences form much of the foundation of who I have become. In 16 years since we “broke up” (even that term seems odd to me now) we have had our fair share of trouble. With no real reason to stop dating, we had no closure, and it took us (at least, it took me) a long time to come to terms. We have had some arguments and rough spots, and went a few years with no contact.
When we did reconnect, things were different, but very much the same. Maybe we (me) were more mature, our lives had changed, whatever. The point was that “thing” that we had always shared, that got us together in the first place was still there. We still knew each other, we still liked each other, and it was strangely calming and reassuring to have someone I shared so much history with, that I trusted so implicitly, to occasionally talk to. We were very different people than in our youth, and our lives had very firmly moved on into different directions, but we still had the same deep and unspoken connection from when we were 16, and to me, it seems silly to ignore it.
So here we are today. We have families and careers and lives that don’t really intersect. We share the occasional email to check in, a phone call on a birthday or really special event, and at least once a year we see each other in person. We’re two very good friends that like to keep in touch. So what’s the big deal? Because we dated as teenagers, we should be ineligible to remain friends as adults? That doesn’t even make sense.
When I hear this sort of criticism, or the implication that it is improper for her and I to keep our friendship, it kinda grates on me a little. If meeting with my close friend on very rare occasions is cause for concern from anyone, they have much bigger issues of trust to deal with that have nothing to do with her or I. We have never hid our relationship from anyone (like our spouses), and in fact discuss our meetings with others. It just seems odd that anyone who knows either of us (or us together) could think there were anything “improper” going on.
Am I nuts here? Do people really think this is suspicious activity? I’ll be honest. I don’t care. I mean, its not going to influence me, and the people I care about are not concerned. But I am curious. Do people really think that it is not possible for members of the opposite sex to be friends? Does it make a difference if they have a history?
Okay… I warned you it was going to be long. I think that about sums it up, but I’ll be honest people, that was actually brief compared to what I originally wrote. I spared you… this time. Not to worry, the next one shouldn’t be so long, or heavy… at least, it shouldn’t.
You stay classy blogworld.
Until next time,
Dirk
posted by Dirk Richter at 2:05 PM
2 Comments:
Hey Dirk!
Your opening line reminds me of my orgy days...
I can see the situation from both sides, I guess...There's part of me that accepts the "When Harry Met Sally" school of thought, where men and women can't really be friends...Then there's the mature me that has accepted that I can be friends with women...That being said, sometimes our old pal lust rears its ugly head, so to speak...You can be perfectly content and fulfilled in your current relationship, but you encounter ladies you find yourself attracted to on whatever level...People have affairs all the time and I think it's because of this that relationships such as the one you have with your friend may cause the busybodies to cluck...Fuck 'em...As long as all those directly involved are OK with it, then I think it's "all good in the 'hood" as the kids say...
Take care out there, Dirk!
Your Pal,
Zambo.
Hey buddy.
Just checking in.
I hope all is well.
Your Pal,
Zambo.
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