He Said, She Said….

Hold on folks, this one is going to be long. I have thought about posting on this subject for a long time, but just recently had the motivation.

The other week I had diner with a friend. We try and get together for dinner, coffee, whatever, at least once a year. Since we live in different cities and have completely different lives, even that can be a struggle. Some of our friends and family think it’s a little “strange” that we still talk and meet, like its somehow not right. Perhaps a little background. Yes, we dated. We were high school sweethearts. We had a great relationship and were very much in love. When it was time for University, we were going to different places, so we made the decision to “break up” before we left, so that we could both experience this new chapter freely. If it was meant to be, it would be.

So here we are 16 years later. We have both since married others, I have 2 kids, she expecting her first in a matter of weeks. But I still don’t get why some believe there is an “issue” with us keeping in touch. To me, the “ex” factor has long since vanished. She has had a couple of serious, long-term relationships since the “we”, and like I said, she’s married and pregnant.

I have had one serious, long-term relationship sine the “we”, and I married her and have two kids. I just don’t think the “ex” prefix applies anymore. It seems childish. More to the point, why should we not still talk? We had a great relationship that ended out of respect and love, not out of malice or mistrust. We went through many of those tough teen years together, and those times and shared experiences form much of the foundation of who I have become. In 16 years since we “broke up” (even that term seems odd to me now) we have had our fair share of trouble. With no real reason to stop dating, we had no closure, and it took us (at least, it took me) a long time to come to terms. We have had some arguments and rough spots, and went a few years with no contact.

When we did reconnect, things were different, but very much the same. Maybe we (me) were more mature, our lives had changed, whatever. The point was that “thing” that we had always shared, that got us together in the first place was still there. We still knew each other, we still liked each other, and it was strangely calming and reassuring to have someone I shared so much history with, that I trusted so implicitly, to occasionally talk to. We were very different people than in our youth, and our lives had very firmly moved on into different directions, but we still had the same deep and unspoken connection from when we were 16, and to me, it seems silly to ignore it.

So here we are today. We have families and careers and lives that don’t really intersect. We share the occasional email to check in, a phone call on a birthday or really special event, and at least once a year we see each other in person. We’re two very good friends that like to keep in touch. So what’s the big deal? Because we dated as teenagers, we should be ineligible to remain friends as adults? That doesn’t even make sense.

When I hear this sort of criticism, or the implication that it is improper for her and I to keep our friendship, it kinda grates on me a little. If meeting with my close friend on very rare occasions is cause for concern from anyone, they have much bigger issues of trust to deal with that have nothing to do with her or I. We have never hid our relationship from anyone (like our spouses), and in fact discuss our meetings with others. It just seems odd that anyone who knows either of us (or us together) could think there were anything “improper” going on.

Am I nuts here? Do people really think this is suspicious activity? I’ll be honest. I don’t care. I mean, its not going to influence me, and the people I care about are not concerned. But I am curious. Do people really think that it is not possible for members of the opposite sex to be friends? Does it make a difference if they have a history?

Okay… I warned you it was going to be long. I think that about sums it up, but I’ll be honest people, that was actually brief compared to what I originally wrote. I spared you… this time. Not to worry, the next one shouldn’t be so long, or heavy… at least, it shouldn’t.

You stay classy blogworld.

Until next time,
Dirk

Like sand in the hourglass,

Ah Crap. Today, I am 35 years old. And I don’t like it. I think it was Grampa Simpson who once said:

I used to be with it; but then they changed with it was.
Now what I’m with, isn’t it.
And what it, is weird and scary to me.

Birthdays never used to bother me, they were always a great excuse to party with friends and be allowed to get away with way more than normal. But those were the days of my youth, and they have passed. For some reason, this one is getting to me a little more.

For one, I am far more aware of my own mortality than ever before. I thinks it’s because of the kids. As soon as they came along, I stopped worrying about me, and my life’s meaning sort of changed to them. It still does, but I recognize that they need their dad around for a long time, and sometimes lately I worry about what would happen if I were gone. It breaks my heart. It’s a little funny that I would be concerned now, and not when I was actually faced with my mortality, such as when: I was shot at, witnessed a suicide bombing, was slashed, beaten, or the pounds of drugs.

Some of this started last week, when Youngest watched the movie Lion King, a movie he has seen about a hundred times. But it was been a while since he last saw it, and this time, when the Dad died, Youngest lost it. He just ran to his Mom crying his eyes out. As Mom tried to figure out what was wrong (Youngest doesn’t like attention, so often clams up) he talked about the movie making him sad. Fair enough, he’s little. But while he was upset, he also said “I don’t want Daddy to die, I don’t want him to leave me”. Totally heartbreaking.

So that’s part of it, but that’s not all. I know I need to make some changes, and now is the time that I have to do them. They were always further down the road, something to do when I was older, but that day is here.

So yes, I have tried again to quit smoking, and this time seems to be working. I feel gross, I want one real bad, but I have consciously worked through those cravings, because its something I just need to do. I’m eating healthier, and really trying to. Next month, I’ll even be joining the “Y”. My wife can’t wait. She works out almost everyday, and is pretty much a vegetarian.

It’s sort of dawned on me that if I want to stick around, and have fun with my wife and my kids, and just for myself, I need to make some changes. There is no more time to wait, the time is now, so I might as well get to it.

So that’s it for today people, that’s enough of a glance into my mind. This is not the long post I mentioned would be up soon. I’m second-guessing myself on that one. Like maybe it’s a little too personal. See what I mean about age? Now I’m censoring myself. The younger me would have instinctively followed that all-important rule when writing: Be Unmerciful.

Ah Crap.

You stay classy blogworld.

Until next time,
Dirk

Back to life, Back to reality….

Well, folks its been a bit of crazy few weeks for me, hence no posting. Plus, we had a wicked virus on the home computer that took me forever to get rid of, and made the computer, well, crappy.

So what’s going on in Dirks world… plenty. Last week I had a meeting with a television production company, and it went really well. Basically, I have a development deal. I need to write a full season (which is already 50% done), and get “a name” or an expert to sign on. Once that is done, we will sign a contract and they will start pitching it to the network. It would be nice if this works out.

What else? Hopefully, I have finally quit smoking. It’s been about 5 days now. While that may not seem like much, it is to me. Of the many other times I’ve tried to quit, I feel the most confident and ready now than I ever have before. Here’s hoping.

The wife and kids are all back to school (the wife teaches, the kids attend) and the family is in full back-to-real-life mode. Big changes this year. Eldest is in Grade One, so now goes everyday, all day. That’s pretty big for a 6 year-old. Youngest is still all-day every-other day, so now he gets to spend time with his Mom the rest of the time. That should be interesting for both of them. Youngest does miss his sister though; they are great friends and play together all the time.

Everyone is liking school, is excited to go and learn, and that’s about all I can ask for. They are growing up, and as hard as that can be for the parents to deal with, it’s also exciting, cool, and amazing to watch.

That’s it for today folks. I actually do have more to post, but I’ll leave that for tomorrow. The next one is a little on the long side.

You stay classy, blogworld.
Dirk